Funny One Liners For New Parents

I have 3 kids and no money, why i can’t i have no kids and 3 money. I'm a vegetarian. is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby. Food, kids, rude, sarcastic 81.89 % / 336 votes.

Find your shoes! — lurkin' mom (@lurkathomemom) november 22, 2014 parenting is a conglomeration of everything i've never learned. Just open a bag of chips and they'll materialize out of nowhere.” —@thisonesayz “90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lay down again.” —betsy farrell “hell hath no fury like a toddler who’s sandwich has been cut into squares when they wanted triangles.” —anonymous 25 funny parenting quotes that will have you saying so true.

Mitch hedberg and steven wright, too.

It's either my mum or my dad. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. And a shot of tequila. i don't have a beer gut. I failed math so many times at school, i.